Sunday, January 6, 2013


I thought about clipping a couple of coupons on Sunday.

I know what you're thinking: big deal.

Well, actually, it is a big deal. To  me anyway.

You see before all this, I was a bit of a coupon clipper. Not anything like the crazies money-savers you see on Extreme Couponing, but I'd take 25 cents off Bounty paper towels. And I was a sucker for the buy three get a dollar off General Mills cereal coupon.

So the fact that I actually thought about digging the scissors out of the drawer and clipping a few represents a little bit of normalcy for me.

Did I do it? No. But I thought about it.

That's good though, right?

Then why does it feel so bad?

Because so many grieving parents don't want to move forward (at least not without their child).

Even though the rest of the world keeps on turning, a mom who has lost her baby wants to throw her hands up  in the air and yell, "STOP!"

Just stop. All of it.

But no one hears her.

And when she starts doing things that might indicate that her world is slowly beginning to rotate, it feels, I don't know, wrong. Things like clipping coupons. And complaining about trivial garbage. And listening to the radio.

Can you believe I went months without listening to the radio? I'd drive and drive in complete silence (not really knowing how I got from here to there and back again). Imagine my surprise when I found my fingers tapping the pre-sets in the van.

And singing along to some of the songs.


  1. I know how you are feeling. The world keeps going but yours has been completely stopped. And you feel as if the rest of the world should stop too, but they don't, because they don't get it. I go through the everyday motions as I'm sure you do, but they really don't mean anything, it's just another day we lived through whether we like it or not. Since I find myself wondering why people no longer "really" ask how I am doing/coping. I am going to ask you because I know you "get" it. How are you doing after the holidays with everything?

  2. Thanks for your comment and for checking in on me. As you well know, how we're doing depends on the day (or hour or minute). Thinking of you and all who travel this road.