'Normal'

I thought about clipping a couple of coupons on Sunday.

I know what you're thinking: big deal.

Well, actually, it is a big deal. To  me anyway.

You see before all this, I was a bit of a coupon clipper. Not anything like the crazies money-savers you see on Extreme Couponing, but I'd take 25 cents off Bounty paper towels. And I was a sucker for the buy three get a dollar off General Mills cereal coupon.

So the fact that I actually thought about digging the scissors out of the drawer and clipping a few represents a little bit of normalcy for me.

Did I do it? No. But I thought about it.

That's good though, right?

Then why does it feel so bad?

Because so many grieving parents don't want to move forward (at least not without their child).

Even though the rest of the world keeps on turning, a mom who has lost her baby wants to throw her hands up  in the air and yell, "STOP!"

Just stop. All of it.

But no one hears her.

And when she starts doing things that might indicate that her world is slowly beginning to rotate, it feels, I don't know, wrong. Things like clipping coupons. And complaining about trivial garbage. And listening to the radio.

Can you believe I went months without listening to the radio? I'd drive and drive in complete silence (not really knowing how I got from here to there and back again). Imagine my surprise when I found my fingers tapping the pre-sets in the van.

And singing along to some of the songs.